My sister mostly has been the one to take Mom to her doctor appointments. Carol knows it's important for her to be in the room so that she can hear and ask questions and understand what the doctor wants Mom to do and to learn the things that are important.
_________________________________________________________________________________

In one conversation with her doctor, we were thinking that if the doctor told her she needed help then she would be OK with it. Well Carol was with her in Dr. Chittamanini's office, we call her Dr. C for short. Carol said "Dr. Chittamaninini, does my Mom need care at home?" And Dr. C said to Mom, "Grace, " Mom's name is Grace, "Grace," she said, "you need care at home."

"What?" Mom said to the Dr. "I can't hear you." Well we all know that when you are standing right in front of Mom, that she can hear you. "

"Grace," said Dr. C again, "You need care at home."

Carol said, "Mom did you hear her? What did she say,"

Mom said, "I need to use a cane at home."

Carol and Dr. C rolled their eyes and Carol was so exasperated she said later she could have exploded right there in the Dr.'s office.Later Mom said to Carol, "Oh they tell that to everyone, I'm fine I have my kids to take care of me." 

"You have to laugh," Carol says, "otherwise you would cry."

One habit Mom got into more recently was calling 800. When Mom got a letter with an 800 number she would call there and talk to them. It could be about health care or insurance or any number of things. She would call the 800 number and then talk to them and I can only imagine the conversation. Then when they asked for her phone number to follow up, she would give them Carol's number. They would call Carol. Carol said she has all these 800 numbers in her cell phone from people Mom called who called Carol back. I can only imagine the conversation, "Who are you," Carol asks. 

Do you have a story about your aging parent? As I post these stories about the process we are undergoing perhaps you have your own stories about your parents.

Thinking about story ideas and that Thanksgiving is right around the corner, maybe it is a good time to consider writing a story about that.

You could write a story about a Thanksgiving tradition that you had growing up. Or write about one you started. You could write a story about your family cast of characters, tell what they said, tell about how they looked, what they wore. Right now I am working on a story about my Mom and siblings, Rick, Carol and Jim and my Mom as an aging parent and what that means to us all this Thanksgiving.

For a Thanksgiving story, you could develop a short story about a favorite meal or dish that you always had. We've had topics similar to this in the past but whenever I think of this topic, there can be something new that comes to mind that I've not written about before.

You could also write about a Thanksgiving that was unusual in some way, maybe it was your first time in a new location. Or write about your first turkey, or the year you went vegetarian.

Another idea is to write a story about gratitude. You wake up in the morning, it is frosty outside, you put on your slippers, you make some coffee, you may live with loved ones, or you may be single like I am and know a well-loved routine, for example practically being able to brush my teeth blindfolded. But what if I stop for one second and think about being grateful for this, grateful to be in a warm home, especially grateful for the friendship that I feel even if I can't see all these people right in this moment, how I know that they are there. How great is that, to know there are people out there who I care about, who care about me, how about wrapping myself up in that warm robe for a second or two and feeling the smiles on their faces even when I can't see them.

Or write a story about forgiveness. Ah, this might be a tougher one. How to forgive when feelings still rankle, "he didn't have to say that,"" she didn't have to do that."

But what if, instead I say, "I didn't have to feel that way." I had a friend who would say, "rise above it." Well, sometimes it was hard to understand what that meant. But as I grow older, and feel somewhat less reactive, in other words, my anger is not triggered as easily as it used to be, it is easier to understand, "rise above it." That's what that means to me, don't let it get to you. And in that understanding is forgiveness for me. But I'm forgiving myself for being angry in the first place and allowing the person to get to me, and then at the same time, there is an insight that is compassion. I may not understand why that person said something that felt hurtful to me, but I can better see my way to forgiving .

And that does not mean being a DOORMAT.

I had an experience where I received a promotion and was happy about it and shared it with a friend who said something to the effect of , "oh well, anyone can do that." I felt angry. I retorted with a complete smile on my face, "oh, that was such an affirming thing for you to say. Thank you for that, it such a nice vote of confidence coming from you."

He immediately retreated and explained himself more fully and it had everything to do with him and nothing to do with my promotion. I was grateful that I could be in that moment with a verbal comeback. But then later, I could forgive because I could see that it came from a place in him of some struggle that had nothing to do with what I said and everything to do with what was going on for him.

There are, of course, larger incidents in my life that cause me to reflect on forgiveness and it can be very difficult. The more pain that has been caused, the more difficult it is. And it can take years to come to terms with forgiveness, or a lifetime or longer than that. But if an inkling of it can be felt deep inside, it seems to me that is a good thing. But it can be awfully hard with some people when I think of them.

Here's to that getting easier, or to learning to take a longer view at the bigger picture.

This is the season when we turn inside as the weather brings us closer to each other and we can have a chance to reflect and see the forest of our lives for the trees, so to speak. Our days are crowded and maybe now we have a chance for some breathing room to think about the Big Idea picture.

Please leave a comment, it would be great to hear what you have to say about gratitude or forgiveness.

 This time the inspiring words spring from Linda Joy Myers, Ph.D. author of The Power of Memoir who says: 

"Even before birth, we're a part of other people's stories. It's said that we enter the world in the middle of our family's story and become one of the main characters in its drama, immediately woven into the tapestry of family, friends, and community. On our path through life, as in a any tale, we encounter wizards, witches, dark forests, and good fairies; we experience joys and challenges, heartaches and hope. Through struggles, failures, and successess, we discover the unique story that is ours alone. We find out who we are and where we are going."  

Pat Schneider, author of Writing Alone and with Others and Founder and Director of Amherst Writers & Artists, says, "every one of us is born with creative genius."

"A writer is someone who writes. You have done it, you have expressed yourself on paper. Getting started is almost always picking up an old dream, an old desire. Getting started is usually getting started again."

Pat continued, "According to legend, the composer Nicolo Paganini could compose only if he had a blanket over his head. Who cares? What wonderful music he composed under his blanket!"